Wednesday, 7 September 2016

White Flagging

It's official.  The universe has no sense of proportion and I'm sinking.

I've hit my limit on things I can manage and stuff is dropping like flies.  So I'm waving the white flag of surrender and accepting that not only will I not be able to manage things smoothly, but I will have to accept that some things simply will not get done until a later date (if at all).

I've been trying to simultaneously:

- edit my manuscript for my next book release as Jennifer Carole Lewis
- prepare for Can-Con this weekend (I'll be selling books and giving workshops)
- arrange for a psychologist outside of my work to see Nathan to help with his anxiety (the people at my office are good, but he wants someone I don't know)
- manage back to school anxiety and routine change behaviour disruptions for both boys
- manage Alex's transition to a new school
- try to find out more information on the possible transfer to yet another new school
- replace the headphones, plates, measuring cups and computer cables that Alex has destroyed in the last few weeks
- pick up the "wasn't on the list but still need it" school supplies
- fill out all the back to school paperwork for both boys (so far 15 pages and counting)
- maintain the "no verbal protest" and toileting behaviour programs for Alex
- begin a "reward for truth" program for Nathan
- keep up all the household work and routines to get Alex out the door by 7:30, Nathan out the door by 9 and me beginning work by 8:30
- oversee the transition therapy program every day after school for Alex
- deal with the extra laundry from a new spate of bedwetting and toileting failures for Alex
- find information on extracurricular programs for Alex for the fall and winter
- get Nathan organized for Cubs and his fall/winter extracurricular programs

It's too much.  So I have to accept that some of it is not going to happen and concentrate on the stuff that I can do.  That's hard for me.  

I'm setting myself a daily to-do list of 3 items to deal with while Alex is in his afternoon therapy.  That way I don't get overwhelmed and find myself doing nothing.  But the number of responsibilities is weighing on me, interrupting my sleep and making it hard to relax.  I keep telling myself this is life and as important as everything is, I need to protect myself because if I go down, the whole system crashes.  (No offense to my husband but he's not anywhere near prepared to step in and deal with what I deal with.  It would crash.)

So I'm taking care of me.  And hoping there's not too much failure fallout.

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