Thursday, 10 September 2015

Benefits of an Aspergers Marriage

For those who don't know, I live in an autism household.  Both my boys and my husband are all on the autism spectrum.  It gives me a bit of a unique domestic situation.

The other day, I was deeply annoyed at my husband for something.  (I'm not being coy, I actually can't recall the details any more, which means it was probably something trivial like forgetting to take out the garbage or leaving his iPad in a drawer to chirp annoyingly at me all day.)  As I was dealing with it, I reminded myself that there are a number of benefits to my marriage.

First of all, there are absolutely no games.  I never have to try and interpret what he "really" means.  I do have to be careful what I ask as he will answer the literal question and miss any deeper meanings which I intend.  For example, if I ask "Do you want to go out tonight?" the answer will always be "no" because he prefers to stay at home.  It doesn't mean he's unwilling to go out, but that's not what I asked.  If he says he enjoys or likes something, I can take it at face value and not worry about it any further. 

Second, I always know when he lies.  I love him but he can't make up a story to save his life, not believably.  It used to make surprises difficult, until he learned he can tell me the truth, just not all the details.  If he tries to claim he went to the grocery store when he was picking up a present, I will know and hound him for details.  If he tells me he went shopping for a present, then I know not to push.

Third, I can benefit from his obsessive attention to detail in certain areas, like car maintenance and computer security.  I don't need to lift a finger or strain a neuron, it all just happens.

There are definite challenges, like always having to be the one to call around for any services or information.  Or his tendency to assume I know what's going on without him needing to tell me.  But in the end, those aren't so bad.

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