We recently switched Alex's behaviour program for toileting. Instead of earning a reward for sitting on the toilet, he had to do 5 BMs in the toilet.
The behavioural therapist explained that this was a big jump but Alex has surprised her so many times in the past that she wanted to see if he could do it. If he couldn't, we would revise the goals and go forward.
I agreed but, in my head, I was revising the goals and moving forward.
But Alex has surprised me. Yesterday he did not one but two BMs in the toilet!
My feelings are actually surprisingly mixed. On the one hand, proud of him, but on the other, I don't really want to let myself feel any hope because I don't want to deal with the crash of disappointment. It's frightening to move from the stability of "it's never going to happen" to the uncertainty of "it might".
I've heard of this phenomenon before. People who have been in truly horrible situations (like concentration camps or being tortured) have trouble adjusting to being released. Their day to day was undeniably horrific before, but it was predictable and understood. The uncertainty releases all sorts of anxiety.
Now, obviously, dealing with toileting accidents is in no way comparable to the Nazis or torture. But I'll have to take some time to get used to the idea that perhaps I might not have to be buying bulk diapers at Costco for the rest of my life.
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