Monday, 8 September 2014

Why Is It So Hard To Stand Up For Oneself?

I'm not a shrinking violet.  I've gone to the mat with school boards, charities and on one occasion, a news franchise, without hesitation.  I like to think I'm not aggressive but I am incredibly stubborn and an out of the box thinker, which helps to wear away at problems.

But when it comes to myself, I have a hard time summoning up that fire.

For the past two years, I've been seeing a dietician at my doctor's request.  My cholesterol and blood pressure are high and with my family's history of heart attacks, this is not a good thing.

I've tried the dietician's diet.  It sucks, making me edgy and sends my food cravings through the roof.  I've stuck to it for 6 months straight at a time, becoming more and more irritable.  And it has done absolutely nothing for me. 

And yet, I just came back, having agreed to try it again.  The exact same thing which I hate and which has not worked in the past because apparently this woman is stuck in a feedback loop and/or only has the one technique.

It may be terribly passive aggressive of me but I'm not honouring that promise.  But it got me thinking, why is it so hard to stand up for oneself to an authority figure?  (Or maybe it's just me but the self-help section at Chapters implies otherwise.)

It doesn't seem to matter how many times I tell myself that I am the one in charge of my life, that I don't owe this woman anything, that I've given her a fair shot and I should say forget it and walk away and not come back.  She trots out the same tired arguments and disappointed face and I agree to do it because I don't want her to think I'm not cooperating and I don't want to hurt her feelings by implying she doesn't know what she's talking about.

The strength of social pressure, the downside.  To conform to the group, I subjugate my own interests.  Even if I don't particularly want to be part of that group!

Soon it will be time for the annual physical again and I can talk to my doctor and tell her it's not working.  At least I'm comfortable talking with her.

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