If you read this blog regularly, you know that we've been having problems with Alex being aggressive.
Yesterday, he threw a tantrum during his therapy session and began to hit and kick the therapists working with him.
It made me feel horrible. I hate it when he hits and kicks at me but it is a hundredfold worse if I watch him do it to someone else. Technically, I know that this is their job, that they came into the situation knowing this was a strong possibility and were prepared for it. But it doesn't make me feel any better.
I apologized to them and one of them said I shouldn't hold myself accountable for Alex's behaviour. I wouldn't claim credit if he trained for a couple years and won a gold medal at the Olympics and thus I shouldn't be held accountable if he isn't behaving well.
The argument is logical and sound ... and completely wrong.
I am accountable if my child is aggressive. Regardless of his age or choices. I am the one responsible for raising him to express himself in a socially acceptable way. I tell myself that I've done the best I can and that I may not have had any real chance of success, but that doesn't change my responsibility.
Regardless of how horrible it feels, I know I have to press on. If there is to be any hope of correcting the behaviour, therapy must continue and I cannot try to sabotage it by trying to keep Alex in a good mood or standing between him and the therapists. They need to see it in order to deal with it.