Today is what statisticians like to call clustering. I just call it a really difficult day.
A lot of yelling (or aggressive typing) from clients at work along with being confronted by situations where we can't actually help.
Partway through the day, I get an email from Dave telling me that our after-school helper has asked me to call. I didn't have her number at work so I had to wait until I got home. Throughout the day I'm getting more and more nervous that she's planning to quit and telling myself not to jump to conclusions.
It turns out the first voice in my head was right.
I can't fault her reasons and can even agree with them. She's concerned about the winter weather and the distance between our homes. She's also concerned about Alex's aggressiveness and possibly reinjuring herself after having already been through a long recovery. I'm grateful for her offer of help and can't thank her enough for making it.
This doesn't prevent me from feeling like I need to curl up in a corner and cry. I tried for so long and so hard to find someone to help and now I feel like I'm back at square one. I was so happy to have this resolved and now I have to cope with it being reopened.
I'm also upset at what I'm afraid could be part of a disturbing trend. This isn't the first person we've had leave after Alex's aggressiveness, although he is much better than he used to be. If he continues to frighten people, finding help could only get harder. And he's only going to get bigger and stronger which makes the potential damage even more frightening.
I'm giving myself tonight to wallow in my emotional pain but tomorrow, it's back to figuring out solutions. Our helper has very graciously agreed to give us a few weeks to find someone else.
I just wish I had a good idea of where to start looking.
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