First off, sorry I've been off for awhile. We had some technical difficulties.
I've been doing some thinking.
Over the summer, my intention was to find a working balance between my job, my writing and exercise while the boys were at school. It seemed rather simple. I would have time between 9 and 3:30, Monday to Friday. The vast majority of that would be swallowed up by 4 hours of work but that still left two and a half hours each day.
I've done some experimenting over the last two weeks and what I've discovered is the problems I had last year have continued. There's always something else that needs doing: laundry, groceries, errands, special events. Oh yeah, and I occasionally want to see a friend or two.
Despite the promises of various lifecoaches which promise that everyone can have it all if they are efficient about their time, I can't seem to manage making everything work.
I have to make a choice: writing or exercise. I love writing but I also love being healthy and alive and would like to continue with those options for a long time. I'm not one of these people who get a thrill out of exercise but I recognize it as part of what I have to do.
It was difficult but I've decided to stick with writing for now. It's too easy for me to fall into fear-procrastination where I convince myself not to try because I'm afraid I'm not really any good anyway.
I gave myself at least an hour at the keyboard on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday last week and I discovered something else. I actually feel happier.
When my life is filled with work, obligations and responsibilities, I get worn down and resentful no matter how much I know what I'm doing is the right thing to do. Exploring my stories and my worlds gives me the energy I need to continue with the rest of it.
I'm sure my doctor will be horrified and read me the lecture about how I'm practically signing my death warrant. But this feels like the right decision for me and so I'll be sticking with it.