Wednesday 6 March 2013


A few years ago, Dave and I decided we wouldn't plan to have any more genetic children.  We love both our boys but we are also realists.  The odds are good that any future children would also have autism and we wouldn't be able to afford the time and money to give them the treatment they would likely need.  Even if we had a neurotypical child, the demands of Alex and Nathan would likely squeeze them out.

It was a sad decision for me.  One of those I call head-easy and heart-hard.  I love being a mom and there are a lot of days where I miss having a baby in my arms.  I've tried borrowing other people's kids (with their permission, mostly) but it's not the same.  I'm not "Mommy" to those kids.  I am at best a comfortable place to rest and at worst, I am an evil impostor who seeks to destroy their universe.  (Babies are very suspicious.  Just watch one the next time you get a chance.  Those cute little eyes see more than they let on.)

Today we took the big step.  There had been some discussion as to which one of us would get "fixed" but since the female option involves major surgery and an extended recovery period, Dave drew the short straw.

The procedure was quick and efficient.  We were in and out in less than an hour.  Dave has slept through a fair chunk of the afternoon and spent the rest of his time watching TV with an icepack.  The doctor gave him some good painkillers so I don't expect there will be too many problems.  He has a week of not being able to lift anything or engage in any activity which could result in damage to the testicles, but after that his life can get back to normal.

The boys are a little confused as to what's going on.  I've tried to explain it but a vasectomy is not a concept a 5 year old can grasp.  Mostly I've kept it to: Daddy had to go to the doctor to fix something and it hurts but after it will be much better.  Other key message: we have to be gentle with Daddy this week.

I did get some amusement though.  Dave asked for his favourite hamburgers from a local butchery on the way home.  We stopped but since the burgers are done up fresh, it takes about 15 to 20 minutes to get your order.  Dave was still very out of it from the Valium and surgery.  He had trouble walking and putting coherent thoughts together.  And guess who was waiting for their order when we arrived?  A half dozen uniformed police officers.

I was waiting for one of them to ask if Dave was on drugs.  I didn't think it would happen but I had the perfect retort waiting if they did.  I can just picture the winces of sympathy as I explain that he had a vasectomy less than an hour ago. 

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