Another Score Against Us for Bedding

I've talked about the wide variety of measures we've used to deal with my son's bedwetting.  Having run the gamut of fluid-proof shields, we've moved on to washable bedding.

And now he's managed yet another tactical strike.

He is shredding his diaper, leaving little bits of absorbent silicia embedded in the duvet we use as a mattress.  When washed, these bits swell up and cling to the material and each other.  I've run it four times through the washer and cannot get rid of them.  The duvet is just too large and bulky in the washer.  Not enough free flowing water.

I've also tried vacuuming it once it's dry.  It's impossible to get all the bits.  It feels gritty to the touch, as if it's been used on sand.

I've run out of ideas to clean the <insert choice of profanity here> thing.  He's gotten two of his three duvets so far.  Which means a pricey trip to the store to replace them during holiday crunch.

We're going to have to start putting him to bed without a diaper and hoping we can catch him between falling asleep and flooding the bed.  Which means I'm likely going to get to add another two or three loads of daily laundry to the four I already do.

I'm being honest with everyone about my frustration levels because this is one of the regular occurences parents with special needs children get to deal with.  There are no manuals out there for how to deal with a non-toilet-trained eight year old.  There aren't even diapers of a size to fit him (part of the reason we have the constant leakage problem we do).  Every family has different needs but every family also gets to deal with something "typical" parents get to take for granted.

I'm to the point that I don't have to remind myself any more that this isn't his fault and he's not doing it deliberately.  He loves to destroy and shred things.  It's satisfying to him and he doesn't understand the consequences.  There's no malice or ill-intent.  It's also not his fault that he isn't toilet trained and doesn't have adequate diapers.  So I'm not angry with him.  But that doesn't change my frustration with the situation.

Situations like this are the dangerous ones for special-needs parents.  It's frustrating and demoralizing.  My advice is to recognize and accept the feelings for what they are and remember that this isn't something your child has done deliberately, so venting your frustation at him or her is neither appropriate nor effective.  Easier said than done, but necessary.