Let’s start with the most recent: Edward from the Twilight series. He’s got the overprotective,
lock-her-in-a-cellar-for-her-own-good vibe down. But the creepiest thing he does is the
initial stalking of Bella. He stands in
her bedroom and watches her sleep when she doesn’t know he’s there. That would have kyboshed any hope of a
relationship for me if I had found someone doing that. It’s a huge violation of privacy and
boundaries.
Now for one of my favourites: Angel from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. He broods, he lurks, he withholds information
to avoid confrontation. He doesn’t try
to overprotect, which is good since Buffy can kick his ass without trying. But he does play hot and cold with her,
indulging and then pulling back “for her own good” only to jump back in
later. I’ll leave out the whole going
evil as soon as they have sex since that wasn’t completely his fault.
Feehan’s Carpathians are effectively good vampires but have
no trouble using their mental powers to coerce and compel their desired women
into obeying their commands. They hold
to a strict dominance hierarchy where the male protects and cocoons the female
away. Personally, I hate the concept of
being whisked away to an ivory tower to remain sheltered and worshipped for the
rest of my days. The occasional weekend
would be nice but eternity in a box would be boring.
Now we’ll go back a bit to Anne Rice’s Lestat and Louis from
Interview With A Vampire. Neither of these men really court a woman, so
they aren’t really romances. In some
ways, while they are sympathetic, they are also unapologetic murderers and
predators. Rice tried to clean up some
of Lestat’s reputation in the sequels, making him a predator of other
predators. But he’s still an egomaniacal
killer who enjoys what he does.
Don’t get me wrong. I
like vampires. I like them as a metaphor
for the dark, primal forces within us. I
love how they all seem to get great hair along with eternal youth. I like exploring the internal conflict of
having to fight your inner demons but also having to rely on them to do what is
necessary. But sometimes I need to pull
back and have a little reality check to remind me that much of what they do
wouldn’t really be great on a resume of a potential partner.
That’s the purpose of fantasy, to allow us to explore
without danger or consequences. In the
real world, a man who is controlling a woman is on the first step toward
abuser-ville. Even if he claims to be
protecting her, it’s not okay for him to dictate how she lives her life. It’s equally not-okay for her to dictate how
he lives his life. Partnership means
trusting your partner, even when they don’t make the decisions you would have
made in the same spot.
But I guess that’s hard to make into an interesting
story. Guy meets and respects girl,
treating her like an equal … yeah, we need to throw a few fangs in there to
liven things up.
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