Now, I think it’s possible to overthink this too much. Hugs are a social lubricant and have their
place. And I don’t believe in teaching
children to be afraid of people.
However, I think there is a valid point which centers around one word:
force. Children shouldn’t be forced to
hug or shake hands. They can be gently
encouraged but if they are persistent in not wanting to, that should be the end
of the story.
I encourage my boys to hug and I’ll admit there’s a
calculating motive as well as a more emotional one. Autism makes children and adults socially
awkward. A hug can counteract some of
the awkwardness, a kind of mute apology and act of endearment all in one. By making them comfortable with hugging and
by making hugging an acceptable part of our social dynamic, I hope they’ll be
comfortable with it in the future. I
don’t want them to speak the language of affection with a foreign accent.
Emotionally, I’m a hugger and I couldn’t imagine not being
able to hug my boys. Alex still tends to
be mostly a drive-by hugger. A quick
squeeze and he’s back to doing other things.
But he’ll ask for hugs sometimes, which always makes me feel great. But I don’t force hugs if they tell me no.
I know there are parents whose autistic children are so
touch sensitive that the lightest touch feels like a slap. Their children scream as if they’re being
tortured when their parents try to hug them.
It breaks my heart to imagine it.
It’s so natural to hold your children when they’re frightened and upset
and to be denied that must be difficult.
It makes me feel very grateful as I hold my children tight.
No comments:
Post a Comment