Thursday, 26 July 2012

First Post-Rejection Writing Day

Maybe I was initially cushioned by shock but I’m finding it harder to be positive about my rejection from Harlequin.  I feel shakier about my goal of being a published writer and less confident about my work.  I keep reminding myself that these are ordinary, perfectly valid feelings and not insights into a deeper truth.  I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t have some doubts after a rejection but I would be betraying myself and my goals if I let them stop me from trying again.

Even so, it’s harder to sit down in front of the keyboard and let ideas flow.  The glowing screen seems more intimidating than it did before. 

I think I have to let these feelings run their course.  It’s much easier to squish unpleasant feelings down and pretend they don’t exist, at least in the short term.  But they build up and can start tainting everything.  Better to feel it and then let it go and feel something else.

I’m still determined to give this my best try.  This is one party I’m not going to slink out of, certain I don’t really belong.  If they want me gone, they’ll have to kick me out and lock the door behind me.

And for all my worries, I’ve gotten a decent amount done today.  Two more chapters completed for the first draft of King of Underhill this week.  I can already see some areas where the plot will need to be tightened up and rewritten but progress is still being made.  I have to have a draft done before I can start revising it.

My local library is turning out to be quite a pleasant place to write.  They have some lovely windows with a nice view and tables to work at.  When I get stuck I can watch the trees moving in the wind.  I’ve always found that to be soothing.  Trees don’t get bothered by much and watching them, my tightness seeps away.

On the down side, I’m right beside the adult fiction section which means my inner reader keeps going “Oh, oh, check out that book!  You could just look at a few pages and then get back to writing.”  Except all the aspects of my personality know I cannot resist reading “just a few pages more”.  It’s a trap I gladly fall into every time.  But so far, my willpower has remained equal to the temptation.

There will always be temptations.  Books.  TV.  Music.  People-watching.  But I’m getting better at ignoring them.  Maybe I am suited to this path after all.

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