I’ve seen it many times and it still grates my teeth.
He asks her to marry him when he doesn’t know anything about
her. Not even her name. He sees a girl he likes the looks of and
decides to make a lifelong commitment.
Now, I’ve heard complaints about this format before from
feminists. They object to the fact that
the girl is selected only for her beauty and complain this gives little girls
the idea that being beautiful is more important than any other quality they
possess. They say the message is: good
things only happen to beautiful people.
I have a complain from the male side of things. What a horrible message for little boys to
choose their partners based only on looks or to imply that physical beauty
guarantees compatibility. Speaking as a
woman, I can tell you with authority that beautiful women are not exempt from
being nasty, manipulative or vicious.
I looked back over some of my favourite fairy tales and I
have to admit, none of them are good role models for adult relationships. In Puss
in Boots, the young miller’s son becomes a prince based on lies and the
cat’s behind-the-scenes violence. In
both Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, the prince falls in
love with an unconscious woman. In Cinderella, they do spend some time
together but not enough for the prince to recognize her face.
Of course, these stories aren’t intended as serious role
models for relationships. They’re quest
stories, tales of adventure. The fact
that the object of the quest is marriage doesn’t make the story a guide. Flip it and make the quest about
treasure. Everyone knows there are
easier ways to earn money than to descend into the underworld and kill dragons
and trolls. We don’t talk about how
these stories set up unrealistic plans for personal finance. We assume the real world models will balance
out fantastic tales.
Banning stories or trying to rewrite them to make them into
moral-guidance tales doesn’t work. The
solution to bad free speech isn’t silence, it’s more free speech. Find examples of good relationships and use
them as counter-examples. It’s a little
harder because stories about happy couples who work out their disagreements
peacefully don’t tend to be best-sellers.
Personally, I like Beauty and the
Beast (the original, not the Disney version) because Beauty is an active
character. She saves the Beast at the
end just like he saved her. I like the
original because the Beast always acts with gentlemanly courtesy right from the
first scene. He may look hideous but
he’s not a beast on the inside. East of the Sun, West of the Moon is
another good counter-example where the girl saves the hero.
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