It talks about
the phenomena of brat rage, where people take it upon themselves to physically
discipline children who are misbehaving.
It’s a terrifying phenomenon for someone whose children have special
needs but aren’t visually distinct from typical children.
I’ve seen it happen.
Another mother pulled her hand back to slap Alex while we were at the
park. I grabbed her arm and held it
briefly. She screamed something
uncomplimentary and stormed off with her child.
I was grateful I was close and have fast reflexes but it could have been
a very bad situation.
When did it become okay to physically hit or shove someone
else’s child? I can understand the
frustration at misbehaving children, especially when the parents or caregivers
are ignoring the problem. After five
years of being immersed into the world of autism, I can generally pick up the
difference between a child with autism and one who is just running wild
(although I try to give the benefit of the doubt).
When a child comes up and snatches a toy from my child and
then deliberately breaks it, I feel the same irritation and anger that anyone
else would. But I never forget that this
is a child. They don’t have the
experience or knowledge to truly understand what they’re doing. This is an unflattering metaphor, but a
misbehaving small child is no different than a misbehaving pet. It’s the parents (or owner) who haven’t done
their job.
Those who support physically disciplining other people’s
children say they’re teaching those children a lesson. Teaching them that people won’t tolerate that
kind of behaviour. They’re deluding
themselves.
Hitting a child just teaches them that bigger bullies call
the shots. Might makes right. Teaching proper behaviour is a long, drawn
out process. Even with neurotypical
children, it takes a long time, especially if you’re having to correct
previously allowed activities.
Take the example of biting.
From a child’s perspective, biting works. Bite another child and they drop the toy you
want, they leave you alone, they make a big reaction or the biter become the
center of attention. If any of these
results are something the child wants, then biting is an efficient way to get
there. To teach the biter that biting
isn’t a good behaviour, you first have to figure out why the child is doing
it. Then you can start teaching them
alternative acceptable behaviours that will do the same thing and actively
prevent them from slipping back to the old problem behaviour. If the child has been biting for weeks, it
can take months to fix the problem.
A single incident of violence isn’t going to sudden teach
someone the error of their ways. It’s
only likely to make the problem worse.
The only thing it does is provide a momentary relief of frustration for
the attacker.
I expect adults to hold to a higher standard of behaviour.
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