I am terrified about not being there when someone decides to
take out their frustration on my child.
It’s a high risk. They behave
oddly and sometimes aggressively. As
they get older, people’s tolerance for non-typical behaviour gets smaller. Once they’re ostracized, it becomes easier
and more acceptable for other people to strike out at them.
We’re social creatures.
We’ve evolved to depend on our social interactions for survival. Loss of the group’s support and approval can
and does lead to tragic consequences.
When someone is identified as being outside the group, it becomes part
of the group dynamic to show that they are excluded. Rudeness becomes acceptable, followed by more
aggressive steps if the outsider doesn’t get the message. People on the receiving end of this ostracism
can go one of two ways. Their spirits
are crushed or they embrace their anti-social position, becoming even worse.
My children are bright, genuine little people. I don’t want them to be crushed by society
and I certainly don’t want them lashing back at those who haven’t accepted
them. There are problems with their
behaviour, no question. But there’s
something worthwhile under that and I don’t want someone in a temper to scar
them emotionally. No one deserves that.
The only defence I have is to work on their behaviour,
specifically aggressive behaviour. Make
them less of a potential target. I may
not be able to prevent ostracism, but I can certainly try to minimize the odds
of them being physically attacked. It
adds urgency to what was already a difficult situation.
It would be much better if people could react with
compassion instead of offence. It seems
like there’s no trust in our society any more.
At its root, brat rage says: I can’t trust the parents to manage their
child, so I have to take direct action.
It’s vigilante justice, which often results in innocent people getting
hurt in real life. There are always
multiple sides to an issue, no matter how simple we would prefer it to be. Selected context can twist just about
anything. Taking direct action against a
brat can become an assault on a disabled child.
The words create the spin and define the perceived reality.
Most people aren’t violent.
I may get a lot of disapproving “bad parent” looks, but that’s usually
as far as it goes. Sometimes I get
unasked for opinions and advice. And
once in awhile, things go further. It’s
not acceptable and it spotlights the incredible vulnerability of me and my
children. The attackers may be dealing
with their own issues and I imagine they often feel sorry afterwards, but that
doesn’t change the terror they’ve unleashed in the moment. It can’t be taken back, no matter how many
apologies happen. It can become a
life-changing event and the victims will never be the same as they were before.
That’s why I believe we should expect better from
ourselves. Expressing feelings is all
well and good but there should be respect and compassion for others as
well. You can get the same relief of
venting by complaining to friends or family as by directly confronting the
object of your frustration. The feelings
themselves are completely justified, but expressing them violently overshadows
everything else.
It’s time to renew the virtues of decorum and
self-restraint.
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