I was thinking about it and I remembered when I was a
child. Everything seemed very intense to
me and my feelings were overwhelming.
Things that other people were able to shrug off, I wasn’t able to. Whether I felt things more intently or was
just worse at learning to control my reactions, I couldn’t say. But I remember how hurt I was when people
told me I was over-reacting or a drama-queen.
I also spent some time paying attention to the children (or
animal or puppet representatives) on children’s television. And I noticed that most of those children
were very under-reactive. Even when they
throw tantrums, the situation is quickly resolved with a quick chat or musical
number. I know they have to keep things
simplistic, but the model they’re using isn’t one most children could follow.
So I sat Nathan down and I talked about big feelings. How sometimes you have little feelings and
sometimes you have big feelings. Big
feelings like being mad or sad or even happy.
When you have a big feeling, it feels like you’re going to burst. And when you’re little, a lot of your
feelings are big, too big to keep inside.
I told him that it isn’t good to try and squish your feelings deep
inside because they fill you up and don’t leave any more room for good
feelings. (Maybe I’m being too literal,
but I think we’ve all had situations where we felt our emotions overflowing.)
I’ve always wanted my children to be comfortable expressing
their feelings. I never wanted to push
the stereotype of the unresponsive male.
But they also have to learn how to express their feelings
appropriately. I’ve been trying to teach
Nathan some appropriate things to say when he’s upset, like “Leave me alone,
please” or “I don’t want to play now”.
I’m hoping I’m striking the right balance between respecting
his feelings (he doesn’t have to play if he’s upset) and being socially
polite.
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