The last of my close-knit circle of friends is getting married in a few months which has driven home a sad little truth for me: I will never be a bridesmaid.
It is perhaps silly for me to mourn a lost opportunity to wear a hideous dress and spend hours on hours doing scut work for someone else’s wedding, but nonetheless, I am mourning. It’s one of what I like to call “picket-fence” dreams, the ambitions of ordinary life. Everyone has dreams of the extraordinary, but I think we all also want the ordinary ones, too.
I loved the idea of getting to asked participate in someone else’s most special of days. To be included. To stand up there clearly marked as one of the best friends and important people. And to be fair, I was asked once. But I was also pregnant and due to deliver two days before the wedding. I decided it wasn’t fair for me to risk someone else’s wedding so that I could have one of my dream experiences. Besides, there were still lots of single friends and I was sure I’d get an opportunity again at some point.
Alas, not quite how it worked.
I want to be clear that I’m not resentful or upset, just a little sad at a missed opportunity. I don’t doubt that I’m important to my friends, that they care about me, etc. But it would have been nice to participate in one of society’s few rituals that honours friendships.