As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was rereading the
Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder.
I was also reading the Anne series by L.M. Montgomery. Leaving aside that both these series are
written for young adults, the portrayal of the relationships in them is
significantly different from the modern romance. There is no love at first sight. Instead, friendship and compatibility grow
and become love.
Anne and Gilbert may be a fictional couple, but Laura and
Almanzo were real. They were married for
over sixty years until his death. From
the Little House books, Laura is portrayed as almost asexual. She doesn’t speak about any physical
attraction she has to her future husband.
She doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking about marriage. Her first loyalty is always to her birth
family.
Some of that may be cultural. It wasn’t considered proper for young ladies
to acknowledge the physical side of their natures. But according to the biography I read, Laura
said her marriage was based on affection and compatible goals. She chose her husband according to who she
thought she could live with for an extended period.
This is all second hand information, of course. But it makes you think. In today’s romance driven culture, half of
all marriages fail. We all know that the
wild hormone-driven roses and wine portion of a relationship has a distinct
shelf-life. Humans adapt quickly and
after awhile, we adapt to being in love and it isn’t the natural high it once
was. “We can finish each other’s
sentences” becomes “Stop interrupting me!”
Maybe there’s something to the more low key approach. Some psychologists have said that high levels
of chemistry almost always predict a dysfunction. We are naturally attracted to things which
remind us of the destructive patterns of our past. (Or maybe the high levels of chemistry blind
us to warning signs.) We all know people
who seem to constantly fall in love with the wrong person.
It’s an interesting point to think on. There is definite merit to making sure a
relationship has strong compatibility elements if you want it to last past your
second anniversary. Mutual goals and
ideals about life make matters smoother.
But it’s not nearly as exciting as the other option.
No comments:
Post a Comment