Nathan has had a rough week at school this week. He’s been very upset and agitated. On Wednesday, he got upset and began to hit
another child. The teacher pulled me
aside at the end of the day to explain the situation.
When I first had children, I worried they might be
bullied. I was bullied quite harshly as
a child, so I know how devastating it can be.
However, both of them are far more comfortable with standing up for
themselves and bringing the fight to others than I was. In short, although I don’t think they are
malicious or intending to hurt, they act as the bullies.
It gives me a sick feeling deep in my gut, like a sour,
hollow void. It’s one of the few things
which makes me feel like an absolute failure as a parent. We’ve worked very hard with Alex to reduce
his aggression to others, but we haven’t been able to eliminate it. There is something underlying we’re missing.
Nathan is a different story.
He has the social skills and understanding to be taught that hitting
hurts other people. It’s not a question
of manipulating the environment to avoid triggers. He can be taught how to moderate his
impulses. (Alex might get there, but
right now, it would be too much to ask.)
The school sent home a simple social story:
Sometimes I get angry or sad but:
At school, I don’t hit.
At school, I don’t kick.
Simple and direct but I added a line to it:
At school, I ask the teacher for help.
That’s what we’ve been trying to teach Nathan to do. When he’s angry, go to his teacher and ask
her what to do. She can help him to
figure out what’s appropriate. It’s
important to tell children what to do
instead of just what not to do. It’s
been shown to be effective in training kids about stranger danger. Children who were given instructions about
what to do in a given situation (ie, come and find mommy before leaving with
any other adult) did better than those simply told to not go with a
stranger. It’s the same with children
with autism. They need a script to play
out.
We’ll see if our tactics are effective.
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